I’ve been to the gym

Making a fresh start

My GP has referred me to a programme called “Fresh start” this is the official bumf

Fresh Start is a supervised programme of physical activity for those not meeting the recommended levels of activity and recovering from illness or living with a long term medical condition. Does your medical condition hold you back from being more active?

Fresh Start is a programme of physical activity designed for people who are not currently meeting the recommendations for physical activity and have a medical condition such as:

  • Atrial fibrillation
  • Cancer
  • Cerebrovascular disease (CVA or TIA)
  • Diabetes (Type 1 or 2)
  • >10% risk of CVD
  • Hypertension
  • Mild to Moderate Mental Health conditions
Fresh Start – our exercise referral programme

Being physically active is not about lifting heavy weights or running a marathon, it is about living an active lifestyle every day.

The full details of this programme are here

What they don’t tell you.

This is done in a gym, last week they checked me over and took my vitals and generally did admin, this week was the induction.

This is where I am introduced to the program and the “workouts”

It started off great they showed me the gentle “warm up” exercises I needed to do at the start of each session, these were easy-peasy and I thought “I can do this, this is easy” what however they didn’t tell me was that this was just to lull me into a false sense of security, next I discovered the first downside of leaving the EU that has affected me personally. EU membership is conditional on several things one of them being torture isn’t allowed, well now we have left the EU that rule doesn’t matter any more so we have done ” torture” with gusto.

We’ve been really crafty instead of a sign on the door that says “Torture Chamber” we have cunningly disguised what it really is by having a sign that says “Gym” on the door.

The machines all look so innocent until you get on them.

The first machine the physioterrorist got me to go on she said “we’ll start off gently with just 5 mins on level 1, this is get your heart rate up” She lied and fooled me, she did tell me what is what called, recumbent something or other, but I forgot what, I am instead going to call it the leg ache.

5 “gentle” minutes later, they say torture doesn’t work well I was ready to tell her anything, bank passwords, my credit card pin codes, anything to stop the pain in my legs. all she could do was smile and say if you think that hurts now wait until the morning.

I honestly don’t know if I can endure 12 weeks of this aggressive inhumane torture, when my 5 mins was finally over I got off of it and started heading for the changing rooms to get changed and go home.

“Wrong way” she said “your next machine is here” WTF! NEXT MACHINE what is she talking about? hasn’t she already taken me to the point I would do anything to stop the pain? no, no she hasn’t I’ve discovered the torture chamber has a whole host of different torture machines each one designed to make a different part of your body scream in agony.

She put me through over an hour of using different machines making different parts of my body turn to jelly and hurt like hell, this torture was unbelievable but finally I got through it and could go into the corner to rock backwards and forwards and dribble a lot.

Finally when I was recovered enough to make a weak crawl to the changing room she cheerfully waves at me and says “see you next week when it really gets serious” 😥😥😥😥

It gets worse? OMG, is that even possible? there isn’t a part of me that doesn’t hurt, even my earlobes hurt.

Did I really sign up for another 11 weeks of this inhumane torture?


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